On Peeling Your Onion: Is There a Such Thing as Peeling it Too Fast?

I took this class in college called Interpersonal Effectiveness.  For the record- before you start jumping to conclusions about me- it was a required course for Communications.  It ended up consisting mostly of ongoing excuses to shoot the shit with other people in the class, disguised as interactive exercises.  I didn’t hate it.

There was one particular lesson I learned that I took with me and find myself referring to on a regular basis in my social life.  That is the peeling of the onion theory.  The concept used the layers of an onion as an analogy for the layers of our social selves.  The innermost core of the onion is like the deepest roots of our self.  It is where our strongest emotions and beliefs reside, where the dreams we feel most passionately about hide out. And just as in the case of an onion, we too have more shallow layers that must be peeled in order to get to our core selves. 

The onion theory suggests that interpersonal relationships are most successful when both parties peel their onion or ‘reveal their true selves’ at the same pace.  It mandates, for instance, that peeling one’s onion too fast can put another person off, or make them feel uncomfortable.  It is best to do it gradually.

Ever since my professor discussed this concept, I have tried to apply it to my life.  I will admit, not without a little bit of shame, that I had previously been one of those people who completely peeled my onion to the core as soon as the first meeting with a new person.  The results were quite telling; the most popular of them being that I never heard from the person again.  As you can imagine, this was never what I was going for.

But maybe, I’m now considering, it should have been my intention all the while.  Now that it is several years later, I find myself wondering if maybe I should not have taken my professor’s advice to peel my onion more slowly.

The latest perspective I am entertaining, sure, might result in more intense and dramatic reactions, but in the long run, it is a great time saver.

And that is…Why not just go for it?  Peel your whole damn onion right there at the first meeting.  Reveal all of your deepest desires; your most fascinating flaws from the get go.  Without a doubt, this tactic will certainly scare at least a few people away for good, but look at it this way: What does it say, then, for the people who stick around?

Well under this proposed new idea, it might just prove to demonstrate sooner those who are destined to be your companions. Why bother sugar-coating, only to eventually reveal the gritty truths? Just tell it to them raw.  Take it or leave it, people.  What’s really there to lose, other than a handful of potential friendships that probably would’ve ended up dying out eventually in the long run, once the onion has taken time to be peel?

I still have not concluded which onion peeling scenario will ultimately achieve the most success; success in this context, being to maximize the number of quality and lasting friendships obtained by applying the suggested theory.  But I’m curious what others think.  Please share your experiences and thoughts about peeling the personal onion below.